Message of Regret
by Kato Chinatsu
Summary: "'I love you' will always be easy to say in my mind. These feelings of mine that are yet to be conveyed... will always be kept in hushed whispers. Expressed into writing in the form of senseless love letters."


_**Kato: **__This is just **a one shot in Kuroko's point of view** of his feelings for Akashi and his stand on Akashi's life. It coincides content wise on the manga. From the transition of meeting to becoming friends... to the point of end of their bonds._

_**Concept of the Story: **__The concept of this story revolves around loving someone from a distance. Despite bearing feelings for someone, with the satisfaction of the present and the fear of ruining it, confessions of love are not conveyed. In the end, upon losing someone, these messages of love become messages of regret because they were not delivered._

_**Disclaimer: **__Kuroko no Basket belongs to Fujimaki Tadatoshi._

_If the story is not appealing to the respective reader, feel free to press the back button. Thank you for the consideration of reading this!_

_**Because **__italics are more dramatic. -whispers-_

_**Recommended BG song: Yuuhi Saka, Chouchou vers.**_

* * *

_**I can bear watching you from afar...**_

* * *

_You probably do not notice how I have always watched you from a distance. Clutching onto a flimsy faded-grey notebook, always I would flip past frustrated scribbles just to stop at the first empty page. Where do I start? How do I start? I cannot express myself almost immediately. The words that I wish to convey are all jumbled up into unfathomable clumps in my mind. This process has been done repeatedly, but it never gets any easier._

_Your eyes have always been away from me. I was never afraid that I would get caught. Looking through the previous messages scribbled along the pages, I read them one by one just to find the proper words to relay this message. A miniscule smile would always creep upon my lips as I come to realize how amusing my declarations are._

_You are so near, yet your heart would always be out of my reach. To you, there was nothing more than us being acquaintances. Though my heart begged to differ, my lips just would not part to deliver this message. These unspoken words were all that I could hang onto._

_I love you... Will always be easy to say in my mind. These feelings of mine that are yet to be conveyed... Will always be kept in hushed whispers... Expressed into writing in the form of senseless love letters..._

_This precious love... I would always clung onto... Despite knowing we may never be... Let me allow this love to bloom from a distance... Expressed into writing in the form of senseless love letters..._

_Though your eyes may look far-off... Looking past my being to something worth with much value of your time... I have always been there. Your vacant eyes shifting to the gravel by our feet... Will never see this message of love clutched upon my trembling fingers._

_It's not proper to love you, right? This love in itself was a sin from the start. But the sensation of loving you leaves me lightheaded and fuzzy. I could not feel an ounce of regret whenever I look at you. Have I always been this captivated?_

_I love you... You will never know that though. These feelings of mine cannot be conveyed. Always, it will be encased in a bottle... Left to overflow..._

_I never knew the meaning of love... Until you unintentionally give me this precious love to treasure with all my heart. Even if this love is meaningless from the start... I would treasure the image of simply being able to stay by your side._

_It still baffles me how I came to knowing this emotion brought upon by you. You were always distant and forlorn, I didn't know how to break through those walls you built around yourself. There was hardly a common ground between us._

_Where do I stand in all of this but in a shaky crumbling ground? Torn between the illusion of fantasy and reality..._

_I love you... I can say it repeatedly all I want in my mind. Without anyone to judge my overflowing emotions... I can allow that world to run free with just you and me._

_Thank you... For giving me this opportunity to know love. Despite that it may be unrequited, I was glad that it was with you._

* * *

_On the celebration of my birth, you came up to me with the query..._

_"Is there anything you want for your special day?"_

_The answer was already resting on the tip of my tongue._

_I have decades of years ahead of me... decades of wishes upon the colorful array of candles atop layered cakes... I have millions of stars to wish on in the night sky. But there will only be one transition in time wherein I could be with you._

_I want to be with you... were the words I had in mind. This answer rephrased so that my intentions would not be conveyed. The faint smile of your lips on that day would always be unforgettable. With an outstretched hand, you pulled me away from reality._

_I would forever remember this day in my heart. It was one of those days that I had a temporary vision that I hold a place in your heart. Our clasped hands would forever be ingrained into my mind... casting over the image of the distance between us..._

_I fell in love with this simple happiness... Just being by your side had always been enough. I could not risk it all by complicating things with this twisted emotions. As long as things remain the way they are, I could live with this love conveyed in senseless love letters._

_That rare smile that you showed me will always be a treasure I would forever cherish. Our times together is just that irreplaceable as a memory. With each passing day, this blooming love continues to overflow, drowning me in a sea of bliss and utter happiness._

* * *

_Allowing myself to cling onto foolish hopes, I bask in every comfort you give. Every brush of your fingers against my hair... the warmth emanating from your hugs... They were everything to me. I would like to believe that I was the only one that could cherish all of them, but we exist in a world where we are surrounded by six billion people. In your life, I was just a part of that six billion people that would come and go past your life... Aren't I?_

_One day all of this would vanish. I know I would come to that point where I would have to depend on these memories scattered all around me. There will come a time wherein you would start drifting away and I would not be able to reach you anymore. I would not be able to watch you from a distance anymore..._

_With these senseless love letters, I could reminisce on those days with the fabricated illusion that you were mine and I was yours. Trick myself I may, the scars that would engrave themselves in my heart when that happens would surface above all. But I wish to live in that illusion for as long as I could._

_This stubborn heart of mine cannot move on to love someone else... For this first love is far too precious to be replaced. I would give myself this chance to believe in ordinary-looking miracles as I pray to the twinkling stars above that I would not be forgotten by you._

_I love you... That will never change. Even with the transition of time... I can never forget... This love that I have come to treasure will live forever even as pages of these senseless love confessions become torn..._

_This precious love... Was my simple happiness... The excruciating pain that would follow cannot compare to the joys of this love... Though unrequited... It was worthwhile treasuring._

* * *

_Slowly, you're beginning to turn your back on me. I was used to being left behind but with you, the pain is just excruciating. I was crumbling to my knees; I did not know what to do. As always, I waited for you to turn back and pick me back up._

_I've become too reliant on you. I never was like that, but everything was just different with you. I needed to depend on you so that you would stay by my side. But that would not be the case for you, wouldn't it? I waited for so long for you to pick me back up, bowing my head in shame. But when I had the courage to look up, you were already standing so far away. You did not come back._

_Please come back... will always be an unspoken plea. You were already looking at the future ahead whereas I stayed behind, clinging onto the past. I will always remain, fervently hoping for you to come back with these hands clutching unto clumps of senseless love letters._

_These glistening tears... I would not let them fall. Wanting nothing but your happiness... I forced a smile on my quivering lips. I did not want to be the one to hold you back._

_As time passed by, I started not to care. When everything became too painful to watch... I would simply lower my head and weep silently. Knowing the distance that has set us too far apart, I knew you wouldn't see these pathetic tears falling to the ground._

* * *

_It came too soon... I was not ready to part. But you easily turned and drifted away without even a single goodbye. It was excruciating... It was devastating... But, hey... That is the price of falling in love, right?_

_I wished I had spent a little more time with you before. Three years was too little a time offered to this love that I have waited for so many years. We have walked along this path together though I had always been following from behind. Somewhere along the road... I lost sight of you._

_When will the sky weep with me? I really wish it would. I wanted to cover these unwanted tears, brought up by surfacing memories. With the heavy downpour, I could cry my heart out without anything being so flatly conveyed. I could cry for you and the rain would drown out my grief._

_I love you... They have never been said... This shattered love, I could never throw away. No matter how much pain I had to bear by picking the shards one by one... Just to keep that love, I will surely endure._

_This message of love that has never been conveyed... Perhaps it was for the best that those loving words had never been uttered. As I see the satisfaction in your distant and forlorn past... I came to that conclusion._

_These messages of love... Let them be kept a secret along these dull pages. A mere instrument of reminiscences. When I flip through them once again, I want them to be the same in my heart._

_This message of love._

_This message of regret._

* * *

_Thank you for reading!_


End file.
